As a lifelong poet and songwriter, I craft and use tight, vivid affirmations both to help clear stresses and problems in myself, and to manifest better outcomes in life. I'm a survivor of pretty serious caregiver trauma, so there is at times for me a rather narrow calm state between anxiety and over-excited anticipation. Like, either too worried or too wired.
Affirmations help me a lot to manage this moderate "disregulation." I tailor and use them with my clients as well. And from time to time, people have asked me to share some of these more broadly. So I'll include a few here.
There are two primary ways in which I work with affirmations. One is high tech, and the other low tech, no tech--or maybe spiritual tech. The high tech version involves recorded auto-suggestion while drowsy or sleeping. I'll explain the process of setting that up in another blog.
The Spirit Tech Version
This is very simple and harnesses the power of breath. I create short, focused two or four line poems and repeat the first line on OutBreath One (or InBreath One, start either way), the second line on OutBreath Two, and so on if it's a four liner. The idea is to synchronize the lines with your breathing while calming yourself down, or already in a meditative state.
On the OutBreaths, I visualize sending the reality depicted in the line out to manifest in my world. On the InBreaths, I'm taking reality of the line into my body and being so that I can acknowledge and live it. So for example, a very simple affirmation for health and well-being goes like this.
I'm safe (OutBreath One)
well (InBreath One)
happy (OutBreath Two)
and loved (InBreath Two)
or I might, since the lines are very short, do it over just one breath cycle, as in
I'm safe, well (OutBreath One)
Happy, and loved (InBreath One)
As I share a few more generally useful ones below, remember please, they are designed to be used with the breath. You don't have to--but trust me, it works better.
Can't tell you how many times I've heard the "Oh I've already dealt with that" statement from clients. Sometimes I even know, by the way they say it, that it's exactly what we need to work on.
And I always tell them the same little story. Always give them the same layers model of how personalities develop and healing of deeper wounds works.
Surprisingly, it seems like many professional helper/healers are not aware of this simple way of understanding what's going on. So here it is...
Start with the Notion of Personalities as Layered
Imagine the beginning of life as the center of a circle. Around it form expanding rings of experience, learning, and yes, also at times--damage. This damage comes from overwhelm to the nervous system, is called "trauma," happens in many forms, and is inflicted these days to way too many of us.
As I've explained in recent blogs and newsletters, trauma causes "blurbacks" (or flashbacks) that overwhelm and can cause similar overwhelms to recur. Blurbacks, by the way, happen when anxious feelings from previous overwhelms attach themselves inappropriately to present circumstances.
So now, as the layers keep adding on, like the growth a tree, damage that is closely related to the original events shows up on more superficial layers. Not too different from cracks in these tree rings.
For Serious Damage--It's a "Wound System"
So let's say that in layers 5 and 6, somebody got badly abused in the family. Well that led to an expectation that love comes only with abuse. Now we see that person, around layers 12 or 13 (puberty, say), getting abused in an early relationship.
And maybe you are that person (or are working with that person) now trying to heal this much later after an abusive marriage.
Suppose it looks like the damage in this tree. Does it make sense to think all these layers will heal all at once?
For interesting and helpful answers to this question, just read on in this short article.
Where is the future anyway? Ask your average speaker of English and he’ll say, "Oh, it’s out there ahead of us still." Or perhaps, "Well, it’s not here just yet." You will also hear folks saying things like, "You’ve got your whole life in front of you," or else, of a bad experience, "Don’t worry, that’s all behind you now."
Notice the pattern here? In all these statements, the future is thought of as existing in space, and being located "in front" of us, just as the past is located "behind us." And either we are moving towards where the future is, or else we are holding still and it is moving towards us. "What kind of future are we heading towards?" you ask people.
We Think of Time as a
Kind of "Space"
In fact, almost all the ways we have of thinking about time involve "space" concepts we have transferred, by analogy, to the time domain. When measured, times are, are--you guessed it--"long," and "short." Voila! It's space language once again.
Well, fine--you may say. But so what? However interesting that may be, it's certainly got little to do with my spiritual life, my sense of fulfillment, my happiness here in this body. To which I will answer--hang on! Give me just a "very short time" and perhaps I can tie this odd observation to something very fundamental about the way you live your life.
But Time's Not Really Anywhere
To begin with, let's slip off our polarized linguistic sunglasses and take a fresh look at things. Time is obviously not literally any-where. We might say it's happening everywhere, because it is a process of change, or unfolding, that is universal in the plane of being we inhabit.
But let's begin to see this "the future's in front of me" thing for the metaphor it is. Like all metaphors, which are thought-tools, it might be very useful for some purposes while nevertheless being downright lousy for others. So the future's not really "in front of you." That's just one kind of image we use.
Indeed, linguists have found out that, in languages not related to English, speakers commonly refer to the future as being behind them, or backwards over their left shoulder. Why? Well, obviously, because you can SEE the past, IT has to be in front of you. Whereas you are blind to the future, which naturally then ends up being behind you. Once again, this whole "time as metaphorical space" thing is a thought tool, not an aspect of reality.
But if it's a "thought tool," then maybe there are different or even better ones. Let's get down to it here and look at that.
It's often first the problem we know, feel, or hear about. Whether it's our own, a client's, a loved one's, or a friend's--the facts as they present themselves are all from the problem space.
At times, of course, it makes sense to inquire even into what's wrong. You can't change what you don't know is problematic. But even though change does arise from perception of negative patterns, it makes less sense in the beginning to leave what you see and feel wrapped in that negative awareness.
Coaching or therapeutic trainings often talk about something called “the problem space.” Staying lodged in these perceptions of what’s wrong keeps us stumped somehow about how to fix it. As the saying goes, “you can’t fix the problem from within the problem space.” You have to push out of it into a wider, richer, “solution space.”
Step into the Solution
Here’s a simple process that's excellent at doing this. It produces in my experience and that of my client's and student's better positive changes faster.
First ask yourself or the other person to try to reverse the problem statement. Ask something like, “Well, if that’s what’s wrong, what would ‘right’ look like in that area?” So “I’m exhausted and scared all the time and my business is failing,” turns into something like “I’m energized, calm, and my business is booming.” This is a good start. We have at least some brushstrokes in the solution space.
This is the beginning of what I call a “desired positive change,” and my students have dubbed it the situation's “DPC.” But it’s as yet diffuse, and rather global, in one fell swoop, probably impossible. So better, faster change can benefit greatly from three further steps. I call them “focusing,” “instantiating,” and “opening to the universe.”
- We live, it seems, in the eclipsing of a world age. The older stabilities are disrupted more deeply month by month. Big tech openly plans to remake human nature with networked monopolies, wall to wall surveillance, and robotics. Their dorm-room vision is a new kind of planetary unity, but the motives are the same old profit and power. Government is gridlocked and cannot constrain the ravages of unquestioned, ever accelerating, deeply disruptive “progress.” And tribal dissension, fed by nuance-less tweets, grows daily stronger.
These and other challenges threaten our planet, really. So perhaps a couple of the big-world, fantasy epics are relevant. I think, of course, of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, but also Christopher Paolini’s more recent Inheritance Cycle. In each of them, it all comes to a head in a final, apocalyptic battle for the survival of light in the face of darkness.
What Tips the Balance?
What might interest us here is an evolution, from one story to the next, in what wins the battle. There are warriors and wizards, courage and quests, and knowledge and weapons acquired and deployed on both sides. But what central element tilts the struggle in favor of light?
Between stories, it seems as if this central element and final weapon has actually evolved from the renunciation of power to simple empathy. What sense does that make for us in our own version of planetary Armageddon?
And what if I can lay this out for you in a few words?
At the age of 20, I read Siddhartha… more than once. Herman Hesse’s short novel retold the story of the Buddha so eloquently, I thought. Sitting in the back of buses, lonely and estranged from both family and my religious upbringing, criss-crossing Europe on art history tours during a junior year abroad--I dreamed of walking the path outlined so beautifully in the book.
Somehow, like the Buddha, I would leave the family for asceticism and training. Maybe I already had. But then would come immersion in business, passion, and wealth, followed finally by that enlightened epiphany in which I saw it all as “illusion”-- and realized my essential oneness with everything. It was the classic, heroic, individual quest for unity with a transcendent Divine. I drank it in like a starving child.
But What About the Planet?
Roughly four and a half decades later, that quest remains. But progress has not come in the ways I thought it would. The grand vision absorbed in my youth had some things totally backwards. In some respects, it started me (and many others) walking more or less in the wrong direction.
Take the idea, still evident in Christianity and in Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi, for instance—that Mother Earth and this life on her are really just a platform for private spiritual evolution. She’s all maya—illusion—anyway. Or worse, sinful. Get on to nirvana, or heaven, as fast as you can. That’s all that matters.
While there’s some truth to this, still, with a whole planet it crisis, it can be irresponsible, escapist, and downright dangerous. Not too long ago, it was identified as “spiritual bypass.” It can foster the attitude that we may plunder and destroy the great, nurturing ecosystem that gives us all this chance to incarnate and evolve. Or ignore it at least. How can that not matter? The traditional message—“live for the afterlife, this one’s a mess”—has turned out to be a deadly half truth. In our world, it’s one of the memes that has created the worst of the damage.
And What About Families?
But more recently, into the awareness of many healers anyway, has come another kind of reversal. Not only must the transformational pilgrim be ultimately responsible to the Mother Earth and the rest of humanity, but even the “I”--the distinct, individual seeker--is a kind of reductionist fantasy. That lone “I” is far more bound up with collective families than we in the West have tended to think.
So what does that mean for getting and staying well?
What powers the body is a very slow fire. We take in oxygen and release carbon dioxide just like the flames you sit around camping out at night. Though "antioxidants" and "free radicals" have given it something of a bad name these days--combustion still powers our cells.
But if that's true, if we are fueled by internalized oxidation, perhaps we can learn something from the life-path of that simple campfire. What if what's healthy for fire, always, but especially in its late stages, is also what's healthy for us?
I've been sitting with small fires recently on Sunday afternoons. It tunes me in to the accelerating Earth Changes. So I've been thinking about this. Especially as it relates to chronic suffering, and mainstream health care's current fetish for extreme specialization.
Nurturing the Flame-Child
The tiniest flames, like you as an infant, need special care. They need lots to learn and grow on, but also shelter. Too much oxygen, as in a strong draft, will cool them below ignition temperature and—blow them out. Dampness also cools them, because water evaporating steals lots of heat in order to become a vapor. Dampness, we might say, is like trauma in the young family. Areas of learning and growth get shut down as parts of the tinder cannot ignite.
So you start a good fire by creating a cone or teepee-like structure with three layers. The inner core is tinder. It consists of flammable materials that are dry, lightweight, and present lots of surface area. Crumpled paper, bits of cardboard, and brittle twigs up to the size of pencils work well. You make a small pile with the twigs leaning against, and above the paper.
What a Good Firestart Looks Like
The next layer of the cone has no name in English—but I call it "bonewood." It's dry sticks about the thickness of the bones in your arms or legs just long enough to lean up against the core of tinder and touch at the top. As you surround it with these, you begin to see the form of the teepee more clearly. The final layer is branches or split logs more like the thickness of your whole arm.
Let's compare creating this foundation to the perinatal period in human life. Do it well and your child is off towards a good firestart. Now what?
Violent Weather Extremes are the New Normal
So How do YOU Stay Safe?
Global warming puts way more moisture in the air. That means a "normal" thundershower or cold front slamming through can dump 3, 4, 5 inches of rain in an hour or two. And, as the Weather Service says, Harvey's 40 to 50 inches in a few days is "unprecedented."
Well, it WAS unprecedented... It's very "precedented" now.
I could go on about drought, wildfires, terrorism, fascism, nuclear brinkmanship, and more--but you understand. So what does "safety" look like as these Earth-Changes accelerate?
Apprenticed to shamanic teachers in the 90's, I was taught one thing before all else. There's a real but limited amount you can do to prepare physically, but way more important is whether you prepare spiritually, emotionally, psychically.
Look, even animals know when Nature's emergencies are imminent--so why don't we also FEEL what to do when?
Earth-changes Push Lightworkers--
Go Deeper Now, We Need You WELL!
I think it's fair to call most of us alternative healers "lightworkers" And many more of my readers here I know are lightworkers, regardless of profession.
So I ask you, have you felt it over the last few years?
That intense push to move through the layers of your personal and family trauma and get clear of it?
I know I've felt it big time, and so many I know have. That push is there because Earth needs us to be open, fluid, resilient, and compassionate. And it's much harder to do that carrying the scars of a heavy personal or ancestral wound system.
The Parallel Worlds Perspective on This
A couple of years ago I spent 5 hours under hypnosis with a very evolved Thai woman. As part of that, I saw Earth's futures splitting.
A patient named Karen was being interviewed after an operation that split off the right from the left hemisphere of her brain. It was done, as it has been for decades, to cure severe epilepsy. The corpus callosum, the thick bundle of fibers connecting the two halves of the brain, is severed.
“What are you doing?” asked the doctor, shocked to see Karen’s left hand unbuttoning her blouse. “Oh my goodness,” said Karen, and she fastened the buttons again with her right hand. But the left hand followed along and just unbuttoned them once more. The doctor called his colleagues and said, “Hey, we’ve got a problem here.”
Split Brain = Split Awareness
I heard this reported on NPR, but it goes back to Nobel Prize winning work done by Roger Sperry in the fifties. In most people, the left brain controls the right side of the body, and the right brain, the left side.
By studying people who had undergone this “split brain” operation, Sperry proved that the two hemispheres had distinct jobs and even quasi-distinct consciousnesses. Sever their connection, and you often get a “secret self” that can and does do things, but cannot speak about them.
So what’s that got to do with family constellations, with recovery from personal and/or ancestrally inherited trauma? Well, actually, quite a lot.
Music I make myself is a large part of what keeps me alive and well. Hear some of my performance songs on YouTube here. But participatory music, as opposed to consumption of it, is a human birthright and a huge help to real health. Here's a blog about why this is true.
WHO Earns Twice the Pay?!
Imagine you are part of an expedition 200 years ago, venturing into the Canadian Northwest. As a voyageur, you strain from dawn to dusk to help paddle a 40-foot canoe. Where there’s no water, you hump a 90-pound pack, and later the canoe itself.
Up and down wind the portages, across treacherous, rock-strewn ridges. Hernias, or bone-breaking falls are common. Either, in this wilderness, can end a life.
Still you only get paid half as much as the little guy sitting next to you with the prodigious memory and loud voice.
Who’s he? the boss? the guide? No, actually he’s the chanteur, the expedition’s singer.
He leads the different songs sung many times a day by your entire company. It’s his contribution that is worth twice yours. Shared music brings rhythm to your strokes, and keeps a smile on your face. In some fundamental way, the songs keep hope alive in your struggling heart.
OK. So our low-tech our ancestors placed a high value on sing-alongs. That’s nice, but surely not relevant to us, struggling with climate change (and its denial), health care uncertainty, and dysfunctional governments in the time of Trump. After all, most people, we know, can’t even carry a tune.
And who needs to, with CD’s and smart phones that play our favorite music perfectly on demand. Who cares if ragged bunches of backwoods grunts sang there way across the continent? Had iTunes or Spotify been available, wouldn’t those voyageurs have all plugged in to enjoy their separate favorites?
Power up Your Affirmations with Breath
Personality Layers--Why Some Wounds Need More Than One Healing
Seed Time--or Grow a Good Future
Solution Focus Solves the Problem
Can Empathy Win at Armageddon?
Earth, Families, and Personal Transformation
Good Health as a Sacred Fire
Your Safety as Earth-Changes Accelerate
Karen and the Alien Hand--Why I Do Inner Family Constellations
Music, Migrations, and Health--In Tough Times
Better Private Family Constellations: The Three Session Package
Five Facts About Personal and Ancestral Trauma