Family Constellations—The Core Concepts

What is the “Family Soul”?

A timeless, transgenerational group character or dynamic associated with all families that includes recent ancestors. Roles played in it persist unseen into later life and have powerful effects, both positive and negative.

What are the “Orders of Love”?

The patterns we have learned family souls follow as they act to sustain and balance the flow of life and love through generations. Serious exclusions or injustices, for example, damage the flow. 

What are “Entanglements” (Systemic Loyalties)?

Children’s loving, but unrealistic attempts tohold the family together by taking onto themselves burdens unaccepted by parents or ancestors. Also called “entanglements.” “You couldn’t face it, so I will…”

Why is “Unaccepted” a Key Issue?

It’s not so much what happens in families, but how it is processed and ultimately accepted or not that matters. Accepting what’s real strengthens; serious denials pass burdens on to later offspring.

How are “Entanglements” (Systemic Loyalties) Resolved?

Clients become aware of carrying burdens for other family members and work to return those where they belong. Accepting their own fates (somehow even after death) strengthens and clarifies ancestors, who now send healing to the client.

What Happens in a Constellation?

Representatives selected resonate to members of the family soul. As what is out of order becomes apparent, various techniques bring new clarity to the client, and restore order to the soul.  The client receives a new "felt image."  See Ways of Performing Constellations below for more details.

Where does Constellation Work Come From?

It has been developed by Burt Hellinger, a German. He was a missionary priest, influenced by the Zulu, who later left the church and studied various therapies. It is growing worldwide at a great rate.  

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Ways of Performing Family Constellations

How are constellations carried out in group workshops?

1. Someone becomes the client and presents “an issue” and the facilitator tunes in and asks some general questions about family background. 
   [19 year old, oldest son, migraines since early age, always worst in the autumn-- says they now threaten his job. Facilitator learns client’s uncle, father’s older brother, was killed from concussion in stairway fall at age 4. Grandpa didn’t fix stair rail, Grandma wasn’t watching child carefully—each blamed the other.]
2. Based on knowledge of the orders of love and the possible entanglements, the facilitator has the client chose people from the circle to “represent” family members likely relevant to the issue and place them silently somewhere in the room.  Usually a representative for the client is placed as well.
   [Representatives are selected and placed for Grandfather, Grandmother, the uncle killed, Father, and the client.  The uncle killed is asked to lay down on the floor.]
3. The representatives stand in silence for a while.  They are asked to notice and perhaps speak briefly about their non-verbal reactions to each other--who’s close to who, who’s looking where, how their body feels, and generally who’s comfortable and who’s not.   Often, they move to positions that feel better. 
   [Grandmother and Grandfather don’t look at the son who died, or at each other; Father faces his lost older brother, but seems distracted.  The client’s representative, however, goes and sits on the floor next to his lost uncle.]
4. Typically, an image of what has happened to the family soul emerges.  If it is correct, the client, along with various representatives, will likely be deeply moved, sometimes in tears.  The impact of watching strangers tune in to deep truths about one’s family is intense to say the least.
   [Facilitator: “When did your headaches start?”  Client: “Around age 4, I guess.” Facilitator: “Well your uncle died at age 4 as well, of a head injury, and what time of year was it?” Client: “Dad told me he tripped on his Halloween costume, grabbed the stair rail, and it gave way…  So it was autumn probably…” Facilitator: “Which is exactly when your headaches get worst…  Grandmother and Grandfather didn’t deal with your uncle’s death—so your headaches are.”]
5. The facilitator now uses repositioning and “healing sentences” to reconnect what was somehow excluded or disrespected in the family soul, and free the client from the effort to share, follow, atone, do, or feel similar things. 
   [Facilitator now works with Grandmother and Grandfather to see if they can reconcile and mourn their lost son.  Typically they will.  As they do, they are freed up to look downstream at their grandchild, the client, and say something like:  “Thank you for carrying this, but it is our fate and our burden.  Give it back to us now and live free from headaches.”  Facilitator then works with client to give back the burden.  He might have the client say: “I give this grief back to you. For me to feel it damages me and does not help you.  You carry it please.  Honor me if I thrive.”]
6. The client is advised to let this reframing sink in over weeks or months.  The facilitator may or may not give “homework” to reinforce the shift in “felt perspective,”  No one talks to the client for a while.
   [Client’s headaches are immediately better, and are completely gone by the following autumn.]

How are private constellations done in person?

The process is the same as that of the group situation explained above, with one exception.  After the client states an issue, and the brief interview is conducted about family background (see previousl question), colored footprints are placed on the floor by the client to represent different ancestors.  Both the client and the facilitator will stand at different times on these foot prints and tune in to the feelings.  Typically, there will be new arrangements of the footprints as the constellation proceeds.  The family dynamic and its resolution proceed in the same manner as in a group.

How are private constellations done over the phone?

The statement of an issue and the interview process remain the same as in the group explained above.  Sometimes the constellation will be carried out in one session with both the client and the facilitator choosing different positions in their respective rooms to represent different ancestors.  Each one will stand at different times in these positions to tune in.  At other times, I have the client set up an "altar" or "family shrine" in their home, chose objects intuitively to represent ancestors, and we watch them mover around over in the intervals between two or more phone sessions.  In this case, clients often send me pictures of the arrangements.  I will also set up configurations myself for the client. 

What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of the Workshop Setting?

Workshops have many advantages, but are not the only way to proceed,

• If you have any doubts about the efficacy and reality of this approach, a workshop will dispell them.  Seeing strangers tune in with such clarity and love to the dynamic of a family they do not know is a profound experience.
• As a client in a workshop, your constellation sometimes carries more force--precisely because of your reaction to the human representatives
• Attending workshops can be a less expensive way to go.
• Attending workshops and serving as representative in other people's constellations very very often places you in the shoes of other important people in your own family system.  This experience can also be very healing.
• At the same time, if privacy is more important to you, then the group setting may not suit.  Of course, everyone in the group does agree to refrain from speaking about everything that happens during the day.
• And you do have travel to and from workshops.

What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of Private, Face-to-Face Constellations?

• text to come 8/23

What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of Private Constellations via Telephone?

• Text to come 8/23

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