In my first blog on Transforming Holiday Family Heartaches, I spoke about the all-important, underlying "family soul," how to start focusing on it by looking at emotional exchanges, and about moving towards a space of non-judgement.  Peek at that short post if you like (below).  Now I want to fold those into the complete recipe for improving your experience of family this holiday.

In the tale of the three wise men, it's said they followed a bright star to witness the birth of a savior.  In this recipe, there are five bright stars, all of which illuminate one another.  What that means is that practicing any one of them will help you understand and make use of the other four.  Just like a family soul, the group is more than the sum of its parts.  

In the teleclasses, I go into more detail.  But here I just want to give you the five stars to follow, and make it clear that you can follow them in any order you want, really whenever you want.  Any starting point you pick will help, and also lead you into an appreciation for the other points.  So here they are then.

1. Explore the nature of human family souls--they value inclusiveness and harmony, share burdens within and across generations, and have evolved to pass on life and love.  All this is not necessarily easy, so they get tangled up at times.
   
2. Look for the shape of your family soul--go deeper than individuals and look between them for the characteristic patterns of emotional interaction.  Food and shelter are important, but people will give their lives to love and be loved.
3. Begin stepping out of trigger systems--watch for knee-jerk, hurtful, and usually reptitive emotional interactions and avoid them.  Instead of participating, begin staying simply present and non-reactive.
4. Cultivate non-judgment and compassion--guilt and restitution for damage done are important, but blaming usually cripples the blamer.  In the great, and sometimes tragic dance of life and love, the same traumas reverberate across generations.  Seeing the whole system struggling for balance shifts everything.
5. Invoke and work with whatever is right in your family soul--do this with present tense interactions, but also among your ancestral roots.  The deeper you go, the more grandparents and aunts and uncles there are who have cleared their energies.  Feel them standing behind you in support.

Again, dial in to the teleclasses to hear this explained more carefully, and to discuss or ask questions.  They are free--my holiday gift to you and the families you belong to.